I feel very fortunate (dare I say privileged!) to have found many wonderful friends and acquaintances during my *relatively* short time as a mother. This week has been particularly populated with such visits and get togethers. Good for the kiddos, good for the parents. We all flex our social muscles a little bit, reminding ourselves how to share and take turns, with toys and conversation. So thank you to everyone who falls into this category. You are making my life better. But…this post isn’t about you. That was my disclaimer. Because I’m about to talk about how much I also enjoy hanging out with my friends who don’t have kids…
The good news: having kids can strengthen friendships with other people who have kids. The other good news: if you had good friends to begin with, even if they don’t have kids, it can strengthen those friendships too!
So I have to claim luck again when I say that my friends sans kids still want to be friends with me!! And even want to be friends with my kids to some extent!
It’s lovely having people who can commiserate with me about the fun and the fury of being a parent to small children, but it’s also lovely to be around folks who, frankly, don’t want to hear about it that much. I had brunch with just such friends this past weekend. It was great. We drank a little. We swore a little. And we often ignored the fact that two kids were there with us. It was heavenly.
Since I tote these kiddos with me most everywhere I go, sometimes being in situations where they are not the center of my attention (or of the kind passersby on the street), is freeing. I am so infrequently without them that invariably, if I show up somewhere childless, I am greeted with, “Where are your kids?!” Folks are quite naturally concerned that maybe I forgot them somewhere.
It’s nice to be able to shed the mom label for just a little while. And though it’s difficult to do when your kids are around, it feels easier when I’m with friends who don’t have their own kids. Maybe it’s that they knew me before I had kids, so they can remember many of the times when I was irresponsible and would have been “unfit” for parenting (maybe that’s just a euphemism for hung-over?). Whatever the reason, I treasure these times when I think of myself as a friend first and as a parent second. Yes, I still have to wipe noses and butts, but then I can get back to the conversation that doesn’t ever mention having to do such things. Refreshing!
Again I say to you, friends with kids, I look forward to every hangout we have (truly!), but sometimes it’s just the thing to see some folks who are living lives very different from my own. Ahhh.